I nearly forgot that I’m an extrovert….oops

The best explanation, that I know of, for the difference between introverts and extroverts is, where do you find your energy most replenished?

Some find it alone. They need that restoration time of aloneness to replenish their sense of balance.

Others find it engaging with others They need that connection with others to replenish their sense of balance.

Here’s the current problem….

What happens when anxiety and depression get in the way of this natural sense of balance?

Anxiety creates a lack in the hormone levels causing excessive fear and worry that can create problems in the ability to function each day. Combine that with the depression with its lack of seratonin and add to that, a need of human interaction that you’re anxiety is telling you to avoid and all of a sudden, being an extrovert isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Let me be clear, this is not a ‘who’s better’ or a ‘who’s got it harder’ for introverts or extroverts. I love my introvert friends. In fact, I’m kinda jealous of them.

While I like to have a bit of down time, a bit of space, some me time, some chill….I know it does not do the same thing for me as they’ve told me it does for them.

One time I was feeling pretty blue, although blue is a nice colour and I think it gets a bad rap being associated with feeling low…I digress.

At this time I received a phone call from an old friend. Remember when phones were used for talking to each other???? I know right.

My friend was concerned with how I was going and so she called and we chatted. And chatted and talked and we gasbagged and nattered and laughed and probably cried too. What we did was connect for about two hours.

It made a difference. Such a difference. The human interaction genuinely lifted my spirits and I physically felt different.

I promised myself I would remember that this human connection thing is vital for me. That my energy is replenished by being with people. Even just their voices. I like meeting new people too. It’s not just being around people. Shopping centres may be full of people but I can feel entirely alone in a crowd if I don’t have anyone to connect with. Let me connect with one person, even at the registers, I’m uplifted.

This week I applied for a job that had an audition attached to it. A workshop audition. I was brave enough to apply but anxiety is a mean illness and can sneak up in your hidden thoughts. Depression can piggyback on anxiety and suddenly my thoughts were ganging up on me like a massive storm.

I kept wishing the company had made a mistake and they’d tell me to not bother coming to the audition. I thought of all the reasons I shouldn’t go. I was sure I was too old, too wrong, too fat, too much, not enough….I thought about doing any number of other things than going to this audition.

But I went……

I had to do some serious mindful meditation. I had to frequently use grounding techniques. I prayed often for help with said mindfulness and grounding. Mostly I prayed for the courage to just go. Do it scared…but do it! And in all my fear and anxiety, I had completely forgotten about being an extrovert.

It wasn’t til after the audition, which was wonderful fun, when I was catching up with an old friend, that I realised how invigorating and uplifting the connections to the humans I’d had in the previous two hours were. He was exhausted and needing time to come back from the intensity of it all. And yes, this friend is an introvert. I was struck by how much I enjoyed the entire process. The facilitators of the audition were brilliant at improvising and teaching how to improvise. For me, it was a homecoming of sorts. I used to teach drama and improv and performance. I enjoyed meeting all those people. I loved getting to know all their names and remembered the gesture they did to introduce themselves. My energy was restored and filled up to overflowing by those couple of hours of connection.

It reminded me that even though I struggle with mental illnesses, I’m still an extrovert at heart.

So, thanks audition.

Thanks people there.

Thanks improv peeps.

Thanks God for helping with the grounding.

Thanks mindfulness.

Thanks extrovert me who rocked the audition and had such a great time learning and trying things out and being brave.

Hah!!!! I am still brave.

No matter whether your an intro or an extro….I love all my verts💕💕💕

You’re still brave too!

Cheers

Sair

Cheeky brave selfie

And yeah, for those reading all the way to the end credits, I got a call back.

Yayyyyyyyy

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