I hate new…..her courage is in hiding.

This is the view from the sun deck on the boat. It’s the Houses of Parliament in Budapest. Beautiful, grand, standing boldly by the river. She who takes this photo has just tried to sit on a sun lounge, only to have the back of it snap backwards and she was sprawled and not grand or beautiful or bold.

Golly I really do hate new things. I don’t mean I hate new jewellery or a new car….just to be specific 😁

I just really struggle with the unknown. Isn’t that so ridiculous?! I know we all do but I’m talking about….

Here’s my list, in no particular order, of new things that freaked me out in the last 48 hours…

How does the shower work?

Why won’t this door open?

How do you say “Where’s the chemist,” in Hungarian?

How does the thermostat work?

This room looked heaps bigger in the pictures.

Will the deckchair break if I sit on it again?

What is that food?

I miss my kids.

I’m sure I’m driving Dad up the wall.

Where can I get coffee?

Does the WiFi work…yet….now….how about now…..now?

Where should I sit?

Is the water ok?

Am I wearing the appropriate thing?

Why do I care if I’m wearing the appropriate thing?

What is the appropriate thing?

Anyway, you get the gist.

Don’t you? Or is this just me? Out here on my own on planet freak out!

And all of this makes me feel very very very not brave; not still brave, not was brave, not gonna be brave….oh hell.

O COURAGE WHERE ART THOU

And at night, look how pretty!! I’m not feeling it yet.

And in my ‘not feeling it’ there is a nagging voice that’s telling me off for being such a brat. I mean, look where I am!!!! It’s stunning.

I do not feel stunning.

The beautiful chain bridge, with its twinkling lights. It’s breathtaking. And yet my breath is taken by the fact that I’m hiding in our particularly small room, and not up on deck with all the people. All the fun, happy, holiday makers who deserve this trip.

And there’s the rub……

Not only are new things hard. They’re really hard if you think you don’t deserve them.

Comparison will steal your joy’ or something like that.

All my mindfulness study is clearly, out the window, when I think of how much I’m comparing what is now with what was then.

I feel a what if session coming on….

But no. I’m not going there. None of those ‘what ifs’ are real, so NO. I’m stopping that session before it takes hold.

And now after the evening of meandering up and down the river a bit, we’re back in dock.

And here I sit, 5:30am, in the lounge, brazenly in my pjs and robe before any other passengers are here. And there is that beautiful building. Still and glistening in the morning light reflecting on waters of The Danube.

It’s not so new anymore.

And I figured out how the shower works!!!!

Here’s to a new day🥂

Cheers

Sair

Author: sheisstillbrave

I’m Sarah, and just like you, I’ve had to be brave. So here we go. My stories, my journey, my laughter and my tears might all rate a mention. But most of all, if I look in the mirror, I want to remind her, She is still Brave!

2 thoughts on “I hate new…..her courage is in hiding.”

  1. Hey! You worked out one thing on the list!! What are the chances you will work out another, and then another? Pretty high, I would suggest. What a wonderful experience to see that glorious city in the early morning light – I love that you’re out there in your PJ’s. To me, that is BRAVE!! Only the inner circle gets to see me in my PJ’s, believe me!!! See, you are brave; truly. Still.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you.
      I’ll figure stuff out.
      I figure PJs is ok in public before 6am. I did skidaddle when other passengers started coming in.

      Like

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